Dos And Don'ts Of Asking Your Spouse To Go To Counseling With You

Marriage counseling is designed for two people to take part, which isn't a problem for lots of couples. However, there are scenarios in which one spouse is eager to work through issues in a counseling environment and the other is a little reluctant to take part. If you find that you're the pro-counseling spouse and your significant other is dragging his or her feet, here are some dos and don'ts about asking your spouse to attend counseling with you.

Do: Take A Collaborative Approach

Talk up the benefits of working through your issues as a way of getting your reluctant spouse interested in marriage counseling with you. Remind him or her that your problems aren't going to change unless you're both dedicated to working on them, and share the positive differences that you believe marriage counseling will make for you both. People will often respond favorably to this type of talk about collaboration.

Don't: Demand That He/She Attends

There are some spouses who will book a marriage counseling session and then demand that their spouse attends it with them. While this approach can get your spouse involved, it's not the best way to proceed when you want to make progress. Few people enjoy being told what to do, and it's possible that your spouse attends just to satisfy you but has little interest in actually making positive contributions during the session.

Do: Make It Fun

Even if you're dealing with a serious issue, there's no reason that you can't take a fun approach to marriage counseling. Talk about how excited you are to start the sessions, and express your excitement in doing them with your spouse. You may even want to schedule some fun activities around your counseling appointments. For example, perhaps you set up your appointments so that you go out to dinner afterward.

Don't: Show Indifference

The approach of telling your spouse that you'll be attending marriage counseling and that you don't care if he or she goes with you isn't a good one. For starters, this idea probably isn't true — in most cases, you want your spouse there with you so that you can both work on the issues that are present in your relationship. It's confusing to send your spouse such a mixed message, and this can potentially backfire on you when your spouse decides not to attend because he or she thinks that you legitimately don't care.

For more information on counseling, contact a professional like Barbara Saban, LCSW.