Tips For Moving On From An Abusive Relationship

For most people, the mention of an abusive relationship conjures thoughts of physical violence. The truth is, abuse can appear in many forms, including some that are virtually invisible. Emotional and psychological abuse can leave victims struggling for years to recover after breaking free from the relationship. If you've recently left a relationship like this, it's going to take a lot of work to overcome the effects of it. Here are a few things that you should keep in mind as you begin your path to recovery.

Know That You Were The Victim, Not The Problem

One of the most common sentiments echoed from victims of psychological and emotional abuse is that they are as much to blame for allowing it to happen or they were responsible because their own actions caused it. Don't succumb to that inner voice and the guilt that comes with it. These feelings are the result of the emotional abuse. Abusers use many tactics to directly affect the way that you perceive the situation. Gaslighting, which is a process of manipulating the perception of reality until the victim begins to question their own sanity, is a common thread because it helps to keep you from clearly seeing what your partner is doing to you.

Remember that this is something that the abuser has done. You were not in control of his or her actions, nor were you the direct cause of them. Even if there were things you could have done to improve your relationship, the abuser chose to treat you the way that they did. That is their cross to bear, not yours. The sooner you can see that you were not to blame, the easier it will be to progress through recovery and build healthy relationships.

Focus On Positive Influences

A significant challenge for victims of psychological and emotional abuse is finding their own sense of worth after leaving the relationship. Find the positive influences and the successes in your life to help you see how valuable a person you are. For example, if you have children, remind yourself that you've been there for them and guided them. Remember that it takes a special kind of strength to not only remove your children from that kind of situation, but to guide and support them on your own after the fact. Think about your personal skills and positive traits. Sometimes even writing them down can help to reinforce that message for you, too. Put the list somewhere visible so you see it multiple times a day. This will remind you of who you truly are so you can focus on the positive things.

Mentally Close That Chapter Of Your Life

Until you deal with your feelings from the abuse and the relationship, it will continue to affect you on a daily basis. Find a way to develop some closure so that you can leave that chapter behind you. If you were married, consider a celebration when you get your divorce papers. Think about what would help you to let go of that stage of your life so you can move forward. If you're not sure, work with a counselor who can guide you through the recovery stages and help you find the best way for you to move on.